Why Can’t a Woman be More Like a Man?

Personal Ability
– A long phone conversation lasts 30 seconds.
– One mood can fit his entire life.
– He expects astonished approval for the smallest act of consideration, such as tidying the fridge.
– He doesn’t need a mechanical jar opener.
– Car mechanics tell him the truth.
– When consulting a road map and driving from North to South, he can say, “Turn left,” with accuracy.

Appearance
– He will never be pregnant.
– When meeting people, they never stare at his chest.
– He never has a bad hair day.
– The same hairstyle lasts for years, perhaps decades.
– He can disguise a double chin with a beard. A moustache is optional.
– All his underwear costs under £10, comes in one pack, and he doesn’t need to try it on in the store.
– His new shoes were not designed by the Spanish Inquisition.
– Sneakers, moccasins, black formal…who needs more shoes?
– One wallet lasts a lifetime.
– With maybe seven pockets in his jacket and pants, no handbag needed.
– His wardrobe fits into a wardrobe.

Family
– Weddings plan themselves.
– Family holidays plan themselves.
– A holiday requires only one suitcase.
– A weekend wardrobe fits in a carry-on bag.
– He can play with toys all his life. It is accessing his inner child. Adorable.
– He cannot be expected to remember his wedding anniversary or his wife’s birthday, unless he has a PA.
– He never worries about the nutritional value of the supper he’s just cooked; he just expects applause.
– If he says sorrowfully, “I know I’m a bad father,” he expects this to be treated as an honourable excuse.

Hygiene
– The world is his urinal.

Work
– At work, he never feels guilty.
– Same work, more pay.

Note: My brother sent me this. I’ve tweaked it a bit.

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